reality check: i am no baker

I’ve never considered myself a baker though I make the occasional attempt (too bad they never turn out correctly — remember earl grey cupcakes with the missing tablespoon of baking powder?). Bakers are supposed to use precision when measuring flour, sugar, baking powder, and what not. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE using measuring cups and spoons (because mine are SO cute!), but somehow I still end up messing up the measurements.

I was super excited to make crossword decorated cookies because bf and I try to do a crossword every night. (We also used to do crosswords during Con Law I, 1L year!). I didn’t really make this for Valentine’s Day, as I have never been a huge proponent of the day, but since I am baker used vday colors—I figured it would save me extra brainstorming time for how I would decorate the cookies. As you will see below, THIS WAS FAIL.

I was inspired by i am baker.
Isn’t it SO adorable?! However, she did not post any recipes, so I adapted my recipe from: allrecipes.com:

sugar cookie:
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

1. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour (or overnight).
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Roll out dough on floured surface 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into shapes with any cookie cutter. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets.
3. Bake 6 to 8 minutes in preheated oven. Cool completely.

i am baker’s description used rolled fondant, but I didn’t want to (aka “was too lazy to”) go buy glycerin and corn syrup, so I tried to wing it by using buttercream frosting. The rest of this post is going to sound very reminiscent of the XLB debacle because this was definitely LAZY #1.

Icing:
confectioner’s sugar
milk (though one of the batches I used lemon juice instead)
dash of vanilla extract

1. Stir until achieved consistency
2. Separate into different batches to add in food-coloring (pink, red, black)
3. Fill into zip-lock bags for icing
4. Cut a tiny hole into the pointed tip of the Zip-Lock
5. Ice carefully

LAZY #2: Eyeballing the measurements ‘to the correct consistency.’ I suppose my icing was a bit runny.

The shape looked okay, but it was a little bumpy. This is probably why i am baker used rolled fondant instead of icing. I did ice it the night before though, hoping it would be cold enough to ice the crossword part.

LAZY #3: The icing of the actual squares crossword was a bit sloppy. Okay okay, it was REALLY sloppy. It’s freaking tiring okay? And, my ziplock bag kept busting open and icing kept spilling down my hands and dripping onto the cookie.

LAZY #4: Getting lazy and using my fingertips to ‘smudge’ down the icing instead of ‘filling in each square’ properly. LOL. There were A LOT OF SQUARES okay? They kind of filled in still, ish?

LAZY #5: This was supposed to be a three-part gift. (1) Crossword board (2) “Across” hints (3) “Down” hints. Well, as you can see below, I didn’t picture a “Down” hints piece. It’s not because it didn’t fit in the picture; I just straight up didn’t make it. What happened was that I accidentally broke the cookie piece for the “DOWN” hints, so it was a no go.

Don’t worry, I didn’t waste that broken piece, instead — I made baby heart cookies! See: The burnt ones on the top are actually made from extra dough that I baked the night before, not from the broken “Down” piece. I don’t know how they got burnt. Fail #6, sigh?

Well……Happy Valentine’s Day!

Lazy #7: Not sure if you can tell, but I kind of faltered when writing the “Across” hints. Honestly, writing with a ziplock bag is really hard. Okay, who am I kidding, I clearly didn’t even try. HAHAHAHA, okay I just scrolled up to look at it again. MAN, I REALLY I SUCK.

Sorry bf.

So, how do you think I did? Compared to below…

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAH.

Okay it’s really bad.

REALLY bad.

Seriously, I can’t stop laughing at myself. I’m pretty sure I will never master the art of icing. I’m too lazy and not careful enough.

Don’t get me wrong, this entire process took me well over 2 hours. So it’s not like I was being really truly lazy and giving a rat’s ass. I really wanted to make this perfect for my bf, but even with as much care as I was giving it, it was just difficult for me to do this perfectly! Eventually, I just kind of gave up!! At least the cookie part actually tastes good?

On the other hand, at least my onion rings turned out freaking AMAZING?? Well, looks like my baking days are over (unless I (1) buy a stand-mixer (2) buy an icing kit — a nice one and/or (3) magically become very careful and patient).

0

0

Happy Valentine’s Day, all!

May the presents you receive be much better looking than the one I made.

Sucker <3